The Emotional Journey of Trying to Grow Your Family: Finances, Loss, and Hope
I am a planner. Always have been. So when it came to family planning, I thought I could map out every detail—timelines, budgets, the perfect age gap between siblings. But the reality of trying to grow a family isn’t as simple as penciling in a due date. It’s emotional. It’s financial. It’s deeply personal. And if I’m being completely honest, it’s filled with a rollercoaster of hope, heartbreak, and endless “what-ifs.”
The Financial Weight of Family Planning
In today’s world, deciding to have another child isn’t just about love and longing, it’s about numbers. Can we afford another baby? Do we have enough savings? What about medical bills, daycare, college tuition?
No one likes to talk about money when it comes to growing a family, but it’s a real factor. For me, the weight of financial responsibility has been impossible to ignore. After experiencing a miscarriage at 18 weeks, I was left not only grieving the loss of my son but also staring at unexpected medical bills that didn’t care about my emotional state. It was a stark reminder that expanding our family isn’t just about desire, it’s about whether we can sustain it financially.
And yet, if you wait for the “perfect” financial moment, will it ever come? Life is expensive. There will always be bills, responsibilities, and financial uncertainty. But the love a new child brings? That’s immeasurable.
The Heartbreak of Loss
I never imagined loss would be a part of my story. Losing a baby at 18 weeks changed me. It reshaped how I viewed pregnancy, motherhood, and even my own body.
Grief doesn’t fit neatly into a plan. It lingers. It makes you question everything, your body, your choices, your ability to keep trying. I still wrestle with whether I have the emotional strength to try again. Could I handle another loss? Could I bear the anxiety of another pregnancy? Would the hope outweigh the fear?
For anyone walking this path, I see you. Your grief is real. Your loss matters. And your hope? It’s still valid, even on the hardest days.
Holding Onto Hope
Despite the fears, the finances, the unknowns, hope remains. Hope is what pushes us forward when logic tells us to wait. It’s what makes us look at the empty space in the backseat of our car and wonder if, someday, it will be filled with another tiny passenger.
There’s no perfect time to grow your family. Life doesn’t hand out guarantees. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that love has a way of making room, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Maybe the timing won’t be exactly as planned. Maybe the journey will come with unexpected detours. But if the desire is there, the heart finds a way.
To those in the middle of this journey, whether you’re calculating budgets, grieving losses, or holding onto hope, I’m with you. It’s okay to feel everything at once: the excitement, the doubt, the anticipation, the fear. Family isn’t built on perfection; it’s built on love, resilience, and the courage to keep moving forward.