Motherhood, Mental Health, and Self-Care: How Becoming a Mom Changed Everything

Hi, fellow moms (and anyone else who might have stumbled upon this little corner of the internet)! Let’s talk about something we all know but rarely give ourselves permission to prioritize: self-care for moms and mental health after motherhood. Trust me, I’m no expert, but as a 30-year-old mom of a feisty, hilarious, and sometimes tantrum-prone two-year-old, I’ve had some eye-opening moments over the past two years. Let me just say this upfront: motherhood is hard, but it doesn’t have to come at the cost of our well-being.

The Early Days: Hello, Exhaustion!

Ah, the newborn phase. Remember it? I don’t! Seriously, those first few months were a sleep-deprived blur. My entire world revolved around Rae (my sweet, spit-up-covered bundle of joy). Feedings, diaper changes, trying to decode cries—it was a 24/7 job. Somewhere in that chaos, I forgot that I existed too.

I told myself it was just a phase, that putting Rae’s needs first was what good moms do. And while there’s truth in that, I completely lost sight of something equally important: taking care of myself as a mom. I’d skip meals or grab whatever scraps were left on Rae’s high chair tray. I’d shower (if I was lucky) but never pamper myself. My hobbies? Hilarious. The closest I got to self-care was scrolling Instagram at 2 a.m. while Rae dozed on my chest. Spoiler alert: that’s not self-care; that’s just survival.

The Breaking Point

Fast-forward a bit to Rae’s first birthday. I’d finally started to come up for air, but I realized I didn’t recognize myself. My body felt foreign. My mind? Exhausted. My patience? Nonexistent. I snapped at my husband for no reason and cried because I forgot to defrost chicken for dinner. Yikes. It was then that I realized something had to change.

I wish I could say I had some dramatic, Hollywood-style epiphany. I didn’t. But little by little, I started asking myself some tough questions:

When was the last time I did something just for me?
Why did I feel guilty every time I considered putting myself first?
How could I possibly be the best mom for Rae if I was running on empty?

Flexibility Over Perfection

Another thing I had to let go of was the idea that self-care had to look a certain way. Before Rae, I had a consistent workout routine and a morning skincare regimen that felt like a spa day. Post-baby? Yeah, not happening.

Instead of aiming for perfection, I’ve learned to embrace flexible self-care for moms. Some days, self-care is a 10-minute stretch session while Rae naps. On other days, it’s sneaking off to Target for a chai tea latte and a blissful stroll through the aisles. (Pro tip: Never underestimate the power of solo Target trips.)

I’ve also given myself grace when it comes to working out. My goal isn’t to “bounce back” but to move my body. If that means a walk around the block with Rae in her stroller instead of a HIIT class, that’s okay. Movement is movement, and my mental health thanks me for it.

Setting Boundaries

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is how to say “no.” As moms, we’re often expected to be everything for everyone. PTA meetings, bake sales, playdates, meal prepping—the list never ends. But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

I’ve started setting boundaries, and surprise, the world didn’t end. I don’t volunteer for every single thing, I don’t respond to texts immediately, and I’ve even—gasp—asked for help. I can’t do it alone, and realizing that I didn’t have to was half the battle.

Rediscovering Joy

One of the most beautiful parts of this journey has been rediscovering the things that bring me joy. For so long, I thought hobbies were a luxury I couldn’t afford as a mom. Now I realize they’re essential.

I’ve started blogging (hi, you’re reading it!), journaling, and even reading more. These small acts of creativity light me up in ways I forgot were possible. And you know what? Rae loves watching me work. It’s a sweet reminder that taking care of myself sets a positive example for her.

Therapy: The Game Changer

Most recently, I decided to get a therapist. Best. Decision. Ever. I used to think therapy was only for people with “big” problems, but let me tell you, therapy for moms is life-changing. Motherhood qualifies as a “big” life change, and therapy gave me a safe space to unpack my guilt, my exhaustion, and my struggles with perfectionism.

One of the biggest takeaways? Self-care isn’t selfish. Let me repeat that for the moms in the back: taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom; it makes you a better one. My therapist helped me reframe self-care as a way to recharge so I could be more present for Rae, my husband, and, most importantly, myself.

Tips for Moms Prioritizing Self-Care

If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s great for you, but where do I even start?” I’ve got you covered. Here are a few tips that have worked for me:

Start small. Self-care doesn’t have to be a weekend spa retreat. Start with a 5-minute meditation or a cup of tea before bed.
Ask for help. Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or a family member, don’t be afraid to delegate.
Schedule it. If it’s not on the calendar, it won’t happen. Treat self-care like any other appointment.
Ditch the guilt. Remind yourself (daily, if needed) that taking care of you benefits everyone around you.
Experiment. Try different activities to see what fills your cup. Maybe it’s reading, gardening, or simply sitting in silence for five minutes.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood has taught me so much about love, patience, and resilience, but perhaps the most surprising lesson has been this: I matter too. By prioritizing my mental health and self-care, I’ve become a happier, more present mom for Rae. And isn’t that what we all want?

So here’s my challenge to you: Take one step today toward prioritizing yourself. Whether it’s booking that therapy appointment, taking a nap, or dancing in your kitchen to Taylor Swift, do something that reminds you of you. You deserve it.

Let’s keep the conversation going. What’s your favorite way to practice self-care as a mom? Share in the comments below!